Marcus Aurelius and the Lost Art of Staying Composed

Being unflappable is hard. The word “unflappable” was never used by Marcus Aurelius, author of “Meditations” and Rome’s Emperor from 161 AD to 180 AD. Most do not know him, but reading him helps those striving to be unflappable.

In the modern moment we see ruffled, flapping souls – watching people shout and wave signs, in the news, on social media. We are invited to be stirred or “flapped,” to lose our cool, join the melee, hate someone, declare our outrage, depart reason.

Marcus Aurelius counseled the opposite. Admired in his life, he privately wrote and sought to improve himself, quiet his fluttering soul, seek peace, gratitude.

His words, penned over years, were self-aware, reflective. As a young man, he learned Greek and Latin, sought to live lessons taught by the Greats, and worked on self-discipline. He wrestled, boxed, but also spent time in quiet, seeking wisdom.

If self-mastery was a mission, concern for others occupied much of his thinking; it also appears in private writings. Most noteworthy was his focus on the positive, despite the world’s pitch to get consumed in intrigue and emotional preoccupations.

If he lived today, Marcus Aurelius would marvel at how little self-control we have, how little we care to be our best, how much we care about what others think.

Unlike most books, his 12-volume “Meditations” was probably written as a reminder to himself of lessons discovered, meant to guide his own life.

Still, his lessons are fascinating and timeless. If we can hold ourselves to a higher standard, wish to be “unflappable,” there is much in what he writes for us.

Among Marcus Aurelius’ best thoughts, reinforcing each other, are guideposts for managing our own uneasy, enraged, gradually fraying and undisciplined world.

He wrote in simple terms: “The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” He would say thoughts guide actions, and these define us.

He knew life was frustrating, but that self-motivated individuals can manage frustration with intention. “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

A philosopher, warrior, emperor, and leader of Rome in objectively turbulent times, he guided himself with simple thoughts: “Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” Meant to remind himself, it speaks also to us.

If the Bible is our grounding, secular books like “Meditations” are also filled with wisdom, Marcus Aurelius's wisdom. “It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it,” he wrote, adding: “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

For those who have suffered, lived with and through adversity, his view: “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive, to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” Each day for him presented opportunity.

To be unflappable, one must be – in a modern sense – “have a thick skin,” but another way to think about that is valuing truth, knowing it, holding tight to it.

“There is but one thing of real value - to cultivate truth and justice, and to live without anger in the midst of lying and unjust men.” Treachery is not new.

“Adapt yourself to the life you have been given; and truly love the people with whom destiny has surrounded you.” Is that not utterly sound advice? We are best not worrying about the wide world, but on gratitude for what is close at hand.

In the midst of a world pushing chaos and criticism, judgement and injudicious talk, he would counsel: Keep your own counsel, be glad in it. “Our life is what our thoughts make it.”

Finally, he was a man of realism, not just stoicism. “Life is short. Do not forget about the most important things in our life, living for other people and doing good for them.”

If we want to be unflappable, strong in conviction, quiet of soul, yet engage the world, l “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius is helpful. Being unflappable is hard, but striving for it is a worthy pursuit. He reminds us why and how.