D’ Artagnan Still for President

My dog, D’ Artagnon – humble, freedom-loving rescue pup from Sochi Russia, proud of his guttural bark, ability to point, and one flop ear – is still running for president, and thinks this is his year.

I am not so sure, but have a hard time arguing some points. He can be persuasive. He says the country is obsessed with firsts, and he would be the first dog to win the White House, a rare honor, making way for others, even poodles.

He seems to think the bar has been lowered so that his best mottos, “A chicken in every dog dish,” “Down with word salad, up with the word meat,” and – his favorite – “It’s time for us to do what we have been doing, and that time is every day – actually twice a day,” could catch on.

I remind him that his biggest constituency, dogs, cannot vote, even if America is free. He reminds me I am probably behind the times and need to embrace the future. He says anyone can vote now.

He thinks – as he watches the political ads, news, and debates with me – that a good, well-groomed, long-haired, smiling dog has a chance. He says no one reads anymore, obviously. He says barking is all the rage, back in style, and when humans talk at each other, no one listens.

I remind him that I listen to him when he barks. He says that’s just the point. People listen to their dogs, not to each other. And he communicates consistently, never changes what he asks for always delivers, and is even patient. He taxes me a little, does odd jobs, watches the home border, and listens well.

Some days, he really starts to make sense, makes me think, which makes me think how little the modern world makes sense. If it’s a dog-eat-dog world or migrant-eat-dog world, the sort of place where everyone is unleashed, you have to watch where you step, and what you say, why not a freedom-loving dog for president?

Then, of course, I tell him this is all just crazy, dogs cannot run for office, it’s totally unconstitutional – like impeaching a president without due process, forgiving a trillion in educational loans, prosecuting a presidential candidate to throw an election, replacing a candidate who won all the primaries, or taking money from an adversary like China.

He just looks up at me with those big eyes and his flop ear and tilts his head to one side. He is either watching too many Reagan clips, or I think he might have a point, maybe the Constitution is being sidelined. 

He has the sort of leadership attributes we could use, I have begun to think – determination, decisiveness, innate honesty, loyalty, interest in keeping visitors accountable, a nice mix of courage, horse sense, and affection for the common man, namely me. He even tolerates the bird.

Come to think of it, while I am not going to put signs up for him, there is much about the average dog – and I am not calling D’ Artagnan average, but still – that appeals these days. He has his wits about him, knows when to open his mouth, and when not, bars his teeth rarely. He is true as the day is long, appreciates freedom, and has no fear. Maybe he is right … This could be his year.

Robert Charles is a former Assistant Secretary of State under Colin Powell, former Reagan and Bush 41 White House staffer, attorney, and naval intelligence officer (USNR). He wrote “Narcotics and Terrorism” (2003), “Eagles and Evergreens” (2018), and is National Spokesman for AMAC.