Dogs, Politicians, and Mark Twain

For many years, my feet shared the rug beneath the kitchen table with my four-legged friend, Dartagnan, a noble soul, great protector, gentle with children, unalterably courageous. Like Mark Twain, I like dogs. Like Alexander Dumas, I like noble musketeers, so I named him “Dartagnan.”

Dartagnan, as some know, appeared in my writing as a foil, a character who was quick to act – in his doglike way – when human characters missed the mark. Accordingly, he ran for president, learned to understand cats and parakeets, respected porcupines, and avoided skunks, except for one.

He was the living embodiment of a character, and sometimes – as he now ambles among our Creator’s “mansions” – I wonder what he would make of this world we still inhabit.

I think about how government, at all levels, seems to have an insatiable appetite for power, a constant hunger for more tax money, and no respect for those who fill their dog dish, The People.

I think about how the government obeys “stay,” until you look away. Then the whole pack converges on your pitiful earnings, takes whatever they can, divides it up, and uses it to buy favor among the cats.

I think about how the government pledges to protect The People, throws an occasional rescue line, then drops their end of the line to offer that same faithless pledge to some other drowning soul.

I am reminded how Lucy and her football kept tricking Charlie Brown, promising to hold it firm, then ripping it away, landing poor Charlie on his back, fooled again. She never got Snoopy; the dog knew.

As I look around, my mind drifts back to Dartagnan. I am not sure. He was faithful, true, real, a fighter who contended with evil at my door, never flinched, bared his teeth readily, and lived truth.

Here is where my mind goes one better, remembers why I named him “Dartagnan,” and how Twain liked dogs. My dog was named for the fourth Musketeer, an idealist, a fighter without title, just honor.

I miss that honor. I miss Dartagnan, as Twain missed his dogs, and wish we saw a dog’s honor in our political leaders, especially in places where it bites, closer to home. People deserve honor.

Mark Twain made a point of trusting dogs, distrusting politicians. He could be sharp, but his humor fit. He once said, “Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.”  

Twain observed that, when it came to winning, it is the fighter with belief, not money, favor, or power, who carries the day. “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”

Recently, I pulled his book, not Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn, but A Dog’s Tale. Written from a dog’s perspective, I began remembering some Twain truths, and how many fit our moment.

“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience.” Ha! From where I sit, the other bleachers seem filled with reasons not to argue.

Thinking about why I fight, with wolves at our door, Twain’s adage: “Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than the things you did do.” Surely true.

Daily, I ponder the way people will react when we finally restore what Democrats broke. Twain’s words:  “Always do right…This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.” Indeed!

Always the wordsmith, Twain wrote: “The difference between the almost right word and the right word  is…the difference between the lightning bug and lightning.” Still is today.

These “Progressive”, operationally communist “new Democrats” are not a terrible “illusion,” but an “allusion” to terrible. They force “principals” to abandon “principles,” spend dark “capital” to buy the “Capitol,”  should be “censured” because they “censor,” “elicit” money for “illicit” behavior.

Maybe the most fitting Mark Twain maxim, in honor of my old friend Dartagnan, is this one: “The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.” May we find greater fidelity in the new year!

Robert Charles is a former Assistant Secretary of State under Colin Powell, former Reagan and Bush 41 White House staffer, Maine attorney, ten-year naval intelligence officer (USNR), and 25-year businessman. He wrote “Narcotics and Terrorism” (2003), “Eagles and Evergreens” (North Country Press, 2018), and “Cherish America: Stories of Courage, Character, and Kindness” (Tower Publishing, 2024). He is the National Spokesman for AMAC. Today, he is running to be Maine’s next Governor (please visit BobbyforMaine.com to learn more)!