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I Read Hillary Clinton’s Memoir So You Wouldn’t Have To (And Yes, My Head Still Hurts)

Hillary Clinton electionWell, folks, it’s officially hit the shelves: Hillary Clinton’s latest book, which may as well just be dubbed “The Comprehensive Guide to Not Taking Responsibility for Anything, Ever”. The memoir, entitled What Happened, was released by publisher Simon & Schuster on Tuesday.

Back in August I wrote a brief review of the excerpt Clinton’s publisher had shared, in which I was less than impressed. But now that the memoir has been released in its entirety, I figured I’d give it a chance. Maybe it would surprise me and not be chock-full of whining and blame-shifting. Maybe Hillary would say something somewhat intelligent for once. Maybe she’d finally accept responsibility for her catastrophic failure of a presidential run.

Hey- a guy can dream, right?

So I sat down and mentally prepared myself to read What Happened. At first, I thought that to make the whole thing a bit less agonizing, I could make a game out of it and take a swig of vodka every time Hillary lied. I quickly realized this was a terrible idea, since I’d probably need my stomach pumped before the introduction was over.

The book with Clinton describing her feelings of regret over the way she handled her presidential run: “In this book, I write about moments from the campaign that I wish I could go back and do over”. She repeatedly promises to “let down [her] guard” in the following chapters and give readers the raw truth. Even while attempting to sound candid and honest, Clinton’s trademark insincerity emanates from the pages like noxious fumes from a dumpster fire.

She laments her poor campaign decisions, saying “If the Russians could hack my subconscious, they’d find a long list”. Is she trying to show us that she’s developed a sense of humor? Are we all just pretending this woman didn’t revert to a Ralph Lauren-clad lump of bitterness after the election, and that she’s suddenly cultivated the humility to laugh at herself now?

This is embarrassing. Let’s move on.

Clinton says that the presidential loss was on her and is something that she’ll “live with for the rest of [her] life”, yet proceeds to blame the media, James Comey, sexism, Russia, Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, and even the electoral system itself for thwarting her presidential dreams.

She then gets personal, describing her state of mind during the campaign and sharing some of her inner thoughts—a passage that’s disturbing, to say the least. Clinton, in her own words, was “tempted to make voodoo dolls of certain members of the press and Congress and stick them full of pins”. What a shame the American populace had the good sense not to elect someone so openly sadistic!

This book is yet another example of Hillary Clinton trying too hard to seem relatable and sincere (and failing, might I add)– her contrived vulnerability coming across as forced and phony. Her whole performance of this “I’m just like you!” role has always struck me as completely transparent, artificial, and strange.  It’s as if she’s an alien who’s been tasked with mimicking human behavior, but just can’t manage to figure it out.

As she spends the next segment rattling off the forces allegedly at blame for her election loss, I noticed something curious – Clinton, in her laundry list of villains, never once names anyone she actually should be pointing fingers at. She doesn’t go after John Podesta for his personal email leak. She doesn’t blame Debbie Wasserman Schultz for the chaos that erupted in the Democratic Party. She doesn’t talk about how she should have spent less time behind closed doors with her millionaire corporate donors and more time reaching out to people in states like Michigan and Wisconsin. She evades the truth, as usual.

As I neared the end, I found myself questioning the book’s purpose- why did Clinton write this? Who asked for this? Who exactly is the audience for this waste of paper? Clinton doesn’t reveal anything particularly fascinating, nor does she offer any new insight on the political process in America.  Everybody already knows why her campaign tanked, so what was the point of writing this book? In the author’s note, Clinton seems to articulate a statement of purpose, saying that “the lessons we draw from 2016 would help determine whether we can heal our democracy and protect it in the future”.

…okay. So, again, I ask you this, Hillary: who the hell is this book even for?

By the book’s conclusion, it was clear that Clinton had more or less penned the memoir not for her liberal followers, friends in Congress, legions of rabid supporters in blue states, or her political enemies, but rather for herself. That’s right: once again, Hillary Clinton manages to be completely self-serving under the guise of edifying others. (Can this woman ever change?)

Clinton wrote What Happened to comfort herself over her crushing loss and attempt to convince the rest of the country that she is somehow at peace with it all. Saying that she’s learned from her mistakes and that the election loss was her fault is nothing more than a sad attempt to give herself some sense of closure and control over the entire situation.

This is what it’s like to be inside the mind of an entitled bureaucrat desperately scrambling for political relevance.

Hillary Clinton is trying to capitalize on the worst campaign in American history. She is trying to profit off of her failure. She is manipulating the American public into thinking that she actually learned something from her trainwreck of a campaign, so that she may eventually use this newfound “wisdom” to make her way back into the national spotlight.

It’s time for all this to stop. America, let’s put the Clinton legacy to rest.

As I finished the last page of What Happened and closed the book, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. “At last!” I thought, “It’s over…it’s really over.”

Let’s hope we can finally say the same about Hillary Clinton’s political career.

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Jim

Crooked Hillary is the best description of this woman. She should be serving at least 10 years. Why is it, that majority of politicians are hardly ever investigated by law enforcement? All seem to go before a committee of politicians who hem and haw for months without a concrete guilty or not guilty verdict?

MGoBlue

Did Thomas Dewey write a book after losing to Harry Truman? Did ALGORE write a book after losing to ‘W’? Maybe Carly Simon’s old song, “You’re So Vain” was a futuristic look at Shrillery. Thank you for your review C.M. and hopefully you’re right about the Clintons FINALLY fading from the scene.

Who Would Have Thought

I have to partially disagree with the reason why she wrote the book. It is for herself alright, but she’s lost her pay-for-play status and is attempting to maintain her standard of living by once again trying to manipulate the electorate to buy her rag!

Clair

Would never give a dime to this women so have not read her book

Bob L.

My Son sent me a post from some other site that had the cover of Hillary’s new book on it and a caption underneath that said:
“The first book to have both the question and the answer on the cover”.

Michael G.

Hilary is a narcissist and megalomaniac whose behavior parallels that of Jezebel in the Bible.

Southie55

How much money will go to Texas and Florida for the people who lost everything from the hurricane after the millions of copies of her book are sold? Probably about the same amount that went to Haiti from her devoted husband Bill.

Cynth

Thanks to Mr. Lopez for writing this article so I can laugh while being informed! Would never have purchased or read her tale of lies, but now I don’t have to get the scoop from some “politically correct” media source and sort through their lies to get to hers. Here’s a last word to Mrs. Clinton from me and my friends: Dismissed!

T. Morgan

Amen to your last three sentences.

Bill Darling

This review is about what any thinking person would write. I am not a fan of HRC and couldn’t be paid enough to either buy her book or to vote for her is she (shudder!) runs again. I give her my Dumbass aard for being who and what she is. Our country is in its first forward thinking condition in years, but she would have set it back into the Dark Ages. Thank you saving me the indignity of reading the babbles of this neanderthal skank.

Sandylee

Wouldn’t even read her trash if I was paid to do it. I wish she would just go away…POOF!

cindy

Justice is not served in our country when people like Hillary Clinton are not punished for their corruption and crimes!!

Raymond

Her book could be told on one page . . . I LIED

As I see it

She and her like, are only interested in the “Taking” and not helping anyone, follow up those stories from Haiti ?? where they still are waiting for their help? Books for what? you ignored the struggling middle class what choice did we have “More of the same?, or something else ?” You don’t cared about us, your base for the party, you went after the ilegals and criminals etc and forgot about us!! It may not be perfect but, I rather have what’s in place now then go back to destroying our country. God Bless the USA

Michael Williams

Thanks for the review. I would never read a book she made one red cent from.

Doug

Her next campaign slogan or book title should be :Lie, Cheat and Steal”,

Walter McCready

In the November 6-12, 2000 edition of “The Washington Times” A.M. Rosenthal wrote a commentary entitled “Hillary Clinton: The entitlement queen. In the highlight he states, Her belief in her entitlement is woven into her record. No sooner was she in the White House than she took over planning for the national health plan which she proceeded to wreck. No person to surrender just because
of her own incompetence, she promptly gave herself more power. She kept hidden from voters the tax-paid machinery of her influence and its goals.” A few pages latter on the cartoon page there is a cartoon depicting Hillary Clinton dressed as a witch looking over a crystal ball, the caption reads, “It’s about me you Fools, me, me, me.
That was 17 years ago, times changed but Hillary is the same and will always stay the same, It’s all about her.”

Hank

I would like to read her book about where the $2 billion charitable Clinton foundation went. Maybe the IRS could help her write it.

Wayne

There is another reason Hillary wrote this book that no one has yet mentioned: Hillary will run for the presidency again in 2020! Mark My words! She is running! She recently said about the electoral college” “If you scrap it I would take another stab at it.” She has been preparing her entire life for the presidency and she believes the presidency belongs to her. She believes she is entitled! No, the democratic party is not behind her and no, she will not succeed, but she will make one last go at it.

A.W.

Publisher pulled all of her books from the shelves because of a big plagiarism issue. All books are to be destroyed. So typical of Hillary. She can’t even do a book without lying.