Whoa, what’s this? Another “secret” Biden “planning memo” found? One setting out “Big Ideas” for Biden’s last two years. The White House offered “no comment,” but the 10-point memo gives a sense of how the president is being advised for 2023.
Here are some key points:
1. Forget defunding police, reinterpreting border laws, and scrubbing phrases like “illegal alien,” “illegal drugs,” and “illegal abortion” from laws. Let’s make the word “illegal” illegal.
2. Forget toppling statues of historic white men behind the Revolution, Bill of Rights, and Constitution. This is messy and complicated. Let’s confiscate all statues of men. Hillary, Nancy, AOC, and CNN love the idea, so it must be good.
3. Stop playing into the White narrative, and rename the White House – Black House. This whole “White House” thing is racist. If people point out the house is white, paint it black or cover the roof, walls, and lawn with solar tiles. This will really irk Republicans, “enemies of the planet.”
4. Produce and distribute blue hats with MADA on them, setting up a subliminal campaign to “Make America Dumb Again.” This is really clever. We can say “Dumb is the New Smart,” quote George Orwell, call him a “Founding Father.” People won’t know. He sounds familiar, and Republicans always use his name.
5. Ban the term “Founding Father.” That phrase is so yesterday. Coin a new term, “Founding They.” If anyone objects, call them a racist, bigots, insensitive, patriots, or Republicans. Those insults always work with our base. Get Merriam Webster on the phone – for backup.
6. Call “Right to Life” supporters “Abortion Deniers,” “New Birthers,” or “Unfortunately Born.” No one will understand what you mean, but who cares, we do not have to make sense, it sounds offensive, will pump the base. If anyone asks, use one of our stock phrases, like “no regrets,” “follow the science,” “come on man,” “I love Brandon,” “we take classified stuff seriously,” or “next question.”
7. Keep throwing off the folks that don’t think you know what you are doing. You got ‘em where you want ‘em. Pretend you cannot find your way off stage more, shake hands with the air, do the bicycle thing again, mix up at least three or four basic words a day, and – a new one – tell people your dad was the “first man on the moon,” then lean over and ask Jill in a loud voice…if she is with the Secret Service. Tell her not to laugh. You got ‘em all thinking you don’t know your name. In case you forget, it’s an old Italian, Irish, Puerto Rican, Iranian name, Joe…Armstrong.
8. Keep calling Kamy the president. Totally throws off the GOP, apparently has Putin, Xi , and Little Rocket Man confused. And she loves it. We think Iran knows you are doing it on purpose, but we can keep them guessing. Maybe call Jill president once or twice. The idea has strategic ambiguity, like with Taiwan, where Nancy goes to get her nails done or something.
9. Do an executive order declaring “National Inflation Does Not Exist Day.” Let’s put it on Tax Day, April 15th, so we stomp taxes out of the news cycle. Also, let’s forgive some loans that day. Maybe China’s to Hunter, America’s to China, or just abolish the debt ceiling? If reporters squawk, say inflation and debt are false narratives by Republicans, or Trump’s fault.
10. From now on, have Xi buy monthly, since the weekly thing is raising questions. We know he likes Hunter’s brush strokes, colors, the hidden sickles, and hammers, but let’s be careful, okay?
That’s it. Hoping you found this amusing. I put it in the closet with the other Top Secret stuff, cause no one ever looks there. Happy New Year!
Robert Charles is a former Assistant Secretary of State under Colin Powell, former Reagan and Bush 41 White House staffer, attorney, and naval intelligence officer (USNR). He wrote “Narcotics and Terrorism” (2003), “Eagles and Evergreens” (2018), and is National Spokesman for AMAC.