Dealing With Loneliness

Are you experiencing loneliness? If so, you’re not alone. Loneliness is a common affliction. Since it occurs so often in people, it’s the subject of many songs like Irving Berlin’s “All Alone” or Hank Williams’ “So Lonesome I Could Cry.” But what exactly is loneliness? And is there a cure or way out?

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is a feeling. The dictionary defines loneliness in two main ways:

a) Sadness because one has no friends or company: feelings of depression and loneliness.

b) (of a place) the quality of being unfrequented and remote, isolation.

Are there examples?

The dictionary provides us with examples of loneliness as in “the loneliness of a sailor’s life” and “the loneliness of the farm.” It shows that loneliness is an emotional state that leaves people feeling mentally or physically isolated. While loneliness is not technically a diagnosable mental health condition, chronic loneliness can deeply affect one’s ability to function well and be happy. So, when possible, it’s best to address feelings of loneliness to improve quality of life.

What are some causes?

There are many causes of loneliness, however, some main reasons include:

• Solitude/Isolation
• Loss of a valued person/pet
• Lack of meaningful relationships
• Chronic depression
• Poor mindset/outlook

It’s not unusual

Loneliness is a common feeling that most people experience at some point in their lives. It happens to young and old, rich and poor, and across all races and sexes. Loneliness may be stirred by lack of social experience. Per Healthline, “Loneliness happens when your needs for social interaction and human connection go unmet.” They explain that different people have varying interaction needs, so it doesn’t happen at the same point for everyone.

Can spending more time with others help?

The ideal balance between alone time and time with others is different for everyone. Some people crave more time alone, whereas other people prefer to spend more time around others. There is no right or wrong or special formula that works for all. However, we are not totally helpless when loneliness is connected to our behavior. For example, a person who is lonely due to isolation following retirement can go out of their way to meet neighbors, join clubs and social groups, and/or spend more time with family and friends. In this case, acting can help prevent feelings of loneliness.

Fundamental quotes on loneliness

We can learn from others familiar with loneliness. Or, at minimum, accept that some loneliness is part of human existence.

• “Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man.” -Thomas Wolfe
• “Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.” – Henry Rollins
• “Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” – Maya Angelou
• “Find company within yourself and you’ll never spend a day alone. Find love within yourself and you’ll never have a lonely day.” – Connor Chalfant
• “The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.” – Anne Frank

The loneliness/depression connection

To make the distinction, loneliness is a feeling, whereas depression is a mental health condition. But the two are connected. Sometimes loneliness is a symptom of depression. Loneliness can also be “a major precipitant of depression.” Healthline explains, “Prolonged loneliness can affect mental health, too. It can make any symptoms you’re already dealing with worse. But it can also factor into the development of serious mental health conditions including depression.”

Pay attention to chronic loneliness

It’s normal to feel lonely sometimes. However, long-term feelings of loneliness must not be ignored. Chronic loneliness is best addressed by a health professional as it can negatively affect the body. Left lingering, it may contribute to:

• Sleep disturbances
• Decreased energy
• Mental unclarity
• Restlessness/irritability
• Discontent/sadness/self-doubt
• Aches and pains
• Depression

Can you be lonely in a crowd?

Because loneliness is an emotional state, it is possible to experience loneliness in a crowd. It mainly results from feeling disconnected from others. In the first example, a young person may experience loneliness when attending a brand-new school. In the second example, a reserved person attending a party solo may feel lonely in a crowd of wild partygoers.

Is loneliness fixable?

Humans are taught to control or hide emotions and take charge of their feelings. But this is not without challenges. For instance, emptiness due to the death of a loved one is not something people can readily “get over” or fix. When faced with unpleasant circumstances beyond one’s control, including dealing with loneliness, maintaining positive internal conversations, leaning on faith, focusing on nature, and depending on supportive people, may in time help lift veils of loneliness.

Seeking help

Loneliness can happen to anyone at any time. Therefore, no one should pass judgement. People experiencing chronic loneliness or intense feelings of sadness or depression should seek the help of a medical professional – without shame. Know that there are people who care.

Confidential help is available 24/7 via the 988 suicide and crisis lifeline. Call or text 988 to connect with people you can trust.  

Disclosure: This article is purely informational and is not intended as a medical reference or substitute for medical attention.