Something akin to prohibition – outlawing alcohol from 1920 to 1933 – is happening in California. Other states are thinking about it. Word is these states are all planning – bless their hearts – to ban the sale of gas-fueled cars in a dozen years, by 2035.
I can see it now, can’t you? While folks in Montana, Florida, Texas, and Maine drive SUVs over mountains in snow, wind, heat, and hurricanes, California and other forward-banning states will bask in the re-discovered glory of Maoist Peking (now Beijing) circa 1965, pedaling bicycles in happy herds along formerly car-filled streets, pretending electric scooters are powered by the sun, filling up at electric pumps on the fossil-power grid.
Living the dream, Californians who stay for the 2035 show, will get Flower Power 2.0. Nirvana usually falls short but cycling and walking will make family trips very different.
Californians who stay will get the satisfaction of saying, once again, they beat Trump. They will swap long vacations by car for cycling to local parks, and camping with the homeless population. Today 160,000 homeless Californians populate public parks, about the number of California’s fossil fuel jobs that should vanish by 2035.
To assure parks are not empty, California also has two million illegal aliens – or undocumented non-citizens – with more invited. This too is the product of forward-thinking liberal policies.
So, it seems California is in the process of “reimagining” the world as a place where big, strong, fast, machismo gas-powered cars are banished – replaced by Utopia. As in China, cyclists will carry umbrellas to stave off global calamities with no power windows. Someone clever will put solar cells on the umbrellas, further cooling the earth.
One Caution – even modern China’s cycling umbrella industry has hit bumps. Companies that tried “umbrella sharing” (like scooters) found it hard, since not everyone shares, even in a Communist country.
Never mind, Utopia will come. Diesel trucks will vanish, ushering in what historians will dub the Great Rickshaw Renaissance, tens of tons of heavy goods – especially those wind turbines, solar panels, bales of kale (harvested by solar or cycling combines) being towed by beefy rickshaw drivers.
California will push the long-overdue reversal of Henry Ford’s inventions, the combustion engine, and the four-wheeled car. One can imagine the competition for energy-saving, two-wheeled cycles replaced by unicycles, and ride-sharing on five-seated cycles up San Francisco’s hills. The future is coming!
People will wear Wright Brothers’ shirts, not because the clever Kitty Hawk brothers pioneered gas-guzzling flight – but to celebrate their real accomplishment of running any early bicycle shop.
Statues of Henry Ford and those who drove gas-powered cars, trucks, trains, tractors, or airplanes will be taken down – to applause. Apologetic speeches for car driving will be made by legislators. Only John Kerry’s statue will still stand, as he always took a bicycle on his plane. If there is no statue to him, they will put one up – riding a bicycle.
Yes, sometimes you do not realize you are in the presence of the future, even though you stand right there. Imagine bringing Communist China’s eco-streets to California, allowing the state to outdistance China itself – now mysteriously producing two and half times all US emissions.
As car-buying increases in China – 281 million cars sold in 2021, just 2.9 million of those electric – the whole world may flip. Of course, making things easier, Chinese buyers are not allowed to ask, “Where does power come from?” or “Are these really running on coal power off the big grid?”
Yes, life is mysterious, wonderful, and never more magically nonsensical than in that high rent, high tax, and no gas (except for cows) California. The aim is to be done with gas-powered cars as soon as possible, which will be good for everyone, since all that unused fossil fuel can be sold to China or redirected to the power grid, finally bringing down gas prices outside California.
Californians will lead the way, showing America how to be economical, spending money on taxes, massages, suntans, social media, and more taxes. Why? Because California’s 54-cent gas tax, which presently generates 8.8 billion dollars for the state, will suddenly vanish. Poof!
As people bad at pedaling flee the State, desperate for something less like China and more like America, there will be lots of land for those who stay and lots of new taxes to cheerfully pay.
The whole thing seems better than prohibition in 1920 since it is far harder to build a gas-guzzling car in your backyard still than a quart of moonshine. But count on this: Politicians – practiced in enforcing mask mandates – will be looking from air-conditioned gas-powered cars.
Yes, sometimes politicians, especially those from California’s Democratic caucus, get ahead of everyone. If you can ban gas-powered cars, what can’t you ban? Think about it, the future is coming – as Mao predicted. And you will be able to say you were here when they hit the gas!
