Fourteen years ago … a secret cabinet meeting occurred. President Obama had his vice president nearby, glad to be called “clean and articulate” by the ever-sharp Mr. Biden. As the two waited for others to flow in, Mr. Biden wiped his chin, while Mr. Obama laid out the plan.
“Joe, this is how it will go… I will set things in motion, and talk transformation. We will nationalize healthcare, selling them on lower premiums, and higher benefits, fix it so they go the other way. Nancy is all in, will tell them they gotta vote before they see it. Joe, are you with me? Joe, pay attention.”
“God Save the Queen, I’m with ya Barry.”
“Okay, now Joe, this is serious stuff … please sit up, listen. And wipe your chin. No more queen jokes, please.”
“Barry, is Putin still in Iraq?”
“Joe, he’s not in Iraq, he’s not even in Ukraine yet, that part of the plan is for later. And yes, I’m going to give you Ukraine and China, so your son can make a bundle, you’ll get that Corvette you wanted, and I’ll even throw in a laptop. Now Joe, please pay attention.”
“The way this will go down is, you gotta think game theory, I’ll set the spike, go away, you’ll end up here, maybe after Hillary, but you’ll get here. Then, we open up the border, get the unregistered Mexicans, Guatemalans, Venezuelans over here to vote, lock things in.”
“But Barry, com’ on man, how we gonna do that? First, they’re not Americans, third, they’re not gonna get nothin when they come, and second … can I have ice cream?”
“Joe, you are drifting, stay with me. We’ll call ‘em New Americans, that fixes that. We’ll set up stuff for them, sanctuary cities coast to coast, “get out of jail free” cards, homeless shelters we can blame on Herbert Hoover, Calvin Coolidge, some other rich Republican if one comes along.”
“We let them all claim asylum, whether they can prove a well-founded fear of persecution or not, and you know most will never show at a hearing, so we’ll just let ‘em in, and bingo, we got votes. To get them here, we make clear – and Democrat governors are with us – they get stuff.’
“Barry, com’ on, what stuff, the health care?”
“Yeah, but more than that, you have to think big Joe… If we’re gonna remake this place, you gotta think bigger buddy, way bigger. Here’s what we’re gonna discuss today …”
“Today?”
“Yeah, Joe, this is a cabinet meeting coming up, a secret cabinet meeting, and you need to be sharp. The illegals, I mean New Americans, are gonna get Supplemental Nutrition Assistant Program (SNAP) money for their kids …”
“Kids?”
“Yes, Joe, we want them to bring their kids, have kids, make it all about the kids, because that plays better than letting parents or police talk stuff like drugs. You have to see the strategy, Joe.”
“Strategy?”
“Joe, Jill told me you were having a tippy day, not to let you take the West Wing stairs, and I see what she meant. Lean in here, buddy. That’s good, okay, here’s the secret….”
“… We’re gonna give to millions of illegals, I mean New Voters, I mean New Americans, all kinds of new eligibility… Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF), Emergency and Full-Scope Medicaid, Children’s Health Insurance (CHIP), Medicare ‘Premium Free’ Part A, HUD Public Housing and Section 8 Programs, Social Security, free housing from San Francisco to Maine, free food, heck free everything – then take the credit, get the non-profits on it, and bang, we got transformation.”
“Never work, Barry…”
“Yeah exactly, they’ll never work, they’ll vote for us, they’ll love us, and you’ll be president, Joe.”
“No, Barry, it’ll never work. What about the real Americans? Folks are gonna see it, they’ll think we’re inventin’ new voters like Al invented the Internet. They won’t love us, they’ll think we don’t see the dotted line on the map …and what was that last part?”
“You’ll be president, Joe.”
“I will?”
“Yeah, you will, and we’ll set it up so you can get lots of money for Hunter, make those China, Ukraine, and Romania trips pay off, sniff, laugh, crack jokes, and … you’ll get ice cream, too.”
“I will?”
“Yeah, ’course you will Joe, that’s all in the plan. It’s all part of the transformation.”
“Trans?”
“No, Joe, that’s another plan … just one a day here. Say, have you had your one a day? We gotta keep you healthy man, you got a future, and we’re counting on you, you know that, right?”
“Sure, God Save the Queen. Hey, where’s that ice cream?”
Robert Charles is a former Assistant Secretary of State under Colin Powell, former Reagan and Bush 41 White House staffer, attorney, and naval intelligence officer (USNR). He wrote “Narcotics and Terrorism” (2003), “Eagles and Evergreens” (2018), and is National Spokesman for AMAC.
