My parakeet, named Grant years ago by a daughter who liked Carey Grant, has learned that my dog, D’ Artagnan, is running for president. Not to be outdone, the parakeet, with the gift of gab, is now running too. Their dialogue is loud, but that … is okay. They enjoy free speech.
From early in the morning, Grant is talking. He considers chickadees, nuthatches, and anything that shows up at the birdfeeder, including illegal squirrels and chipmunks, his potential voters.
Unlike D’ Artagnan, who considers himself a better spokesperson for freedom, and has a bigger home and more expansive rights, Grant is sure he has enough appeal to edge the dog out.
Yellow, green, and black, Grant identifies as a colorful bird, pointing out his uniqueness to the brindle and black (rescue) dog. Grant reminds D’Artagnan, flying about, dogs don’t fly either.
D’Artagnan takes Grant in stride. The happy warrior, he reminds the parakeet – in their common tongue, since he taught Grant to bark – what they have in common, not fur or feathers but blessings. Grant, whom you might think would be humbled, rebuts in parakeet, to show he can.
In truth, they get along pretty well, agreeing on the importance of food, water, and free speech – as well as when to nudge their benevolent dictator for food and water. They team up on alerts when new faces suddenly appear at the door, combining their verbal skills in disharmony.
As competitors, they do stake out their issues. Grant feels his contributions warrant more colorful seeds and millet, while D’Artagnan just wants the freedom to run where his limbs take him, chasing chipmunks – which offends Grant of course, since those are his bite-sized constituents.
While the dog is easy going, enjoys rallying other dogs, the bird is more a word salad sort, lots of nothing to say, often jumbled up, leaving others unclear what he means – often not sure himself.
Still, they rarely debate. When they do, Grant pushes his coo-coo chatter, murmuring between tirades, while D’Artagnan is a listening sort, more a generalist, one bark or two, then done.
Frankly, I am not sure where their civic sensibilities come from, although the news is often on. They are both independent by temperament, convinced they are right, yet interested in the world.
The other day, I gave Grant an outdoor audience and put his cage on the back deck. When an osprey showed special interest in his campaign, I let D’Artagnan out. Suddenly Grant was happier. With no opposable thumbs, D’ Artagnan works teeth, but he is good with them, a born protector.
As November comes, these walls will echo with dog and bird opinions. I can count on that. Hopefully, their differences will not drive me nuts, any more than I already am. Hard to guess which one wins, but actually both really do, since they live in America. Someday, you never know, they could become a ticket, the musketeer and his feathered sidekick. Until then, they talk at all hours, their dialogue a bit loud, but that’s okay… They enjoy their free speech.
Robert Charles is a former Assistant Secretary of State under Colin Powell, former Reagan and Bush 41 White House staffer, attorney, and naval intelligence officer (USNR). He wrote “Narcotics and Terrorism” (2003), “Eagles and Evergreens” (2018), and is National Spokesman for AMAC.
