Joe Biden I Am, Green Eggs and Ham

Cat in the Hat, Joe Biden I am, Green Eggs and Ham – Maybe this is now our national dialogue. Untruths replace truth, genders and borders vanquished, parents, churches, and pro-lifers pursued as terrorists, Communist China our friend, cabinet members blunder with impunity, more interest in Ukraine than unity, illegals and criminals outranking citizens and kids dying of overdoses.

Sometimes, the only way to make a point is parody, which becomes harder when the subject regularly roasts himself. But we seem to be here. We have a chief executive and second in command unable to talk truth, sometimes unable to talk at all, slurring, stumbling, forgetting, remembering people not there, facts that did not happen, or just giggling. We are in a world of wonder, honest hurt, leaders of the country mocked internationally, open objects of derision.

How do you get at something like that? Say anything new, help people see the folly, and then start planning for ways to get beyond this precarious state of continuing national nonsense? Maybe Dr. Seuss, who would have made a good White House doctor, can help…

Okay…so, here we go. Just…Gimme the Springtime Shimmy, Electric Slide, or Republican Rag, but please don’t make me do the Biden Shuffle! Oh yeah, watch out, watch your wallet, car and gas, watch your pension, six, and ask – Is this real? Is the Shuffle catching on, becoming a riot, do we see a rash – like the old “Monster Mash?” Is the newest thing on all college campuses to yawn and slouch, mumble and muffle, then stretch and do the Biden Shuffle?

Can it be that, instead of gowns and miniskirts, scholars, athletes, and muscle cars, Jitterbug, Twist, and Beatles, we have anti-gas and anti-girl fanatics, trans fans, fentanyl, and needles? Does this Biden business, slide to the left and Marxist muck – constitute culture theft? Is it a midnight heist, a coordinated caper, like hiding all that classified paper?

Is it catching, should I wear a mask, does it come from China, dare I ask? Oh my, who would have thought this nonsense caught? What a mess, all these turns, and what a kerfuffle this Biden Shuffle!

But wait, hang on, there is breaking news, something special on which to muse. Photos of a suit and tie, cheerfully waving hi, strolling a war zone, caught by Iran’s drone; it looks like a shuffling buffoon, quick check the Chinese balloon. Yes, that is it, something wild and crazy, makes you stamp your feet and give up lazy!  

It is the missing president, and so much anticipation, with the missing Secretary of Transportation! What is this? Is it true, more to embarrass? Vice President Harris? She is giggling and talking about order, on the lookout for a border. And there is the Secretary of State – just when you thought he played hooky he shows up with a fortune cookie!

But why are they all in Ukraine, doing the Shuffle? This is insane, we have an exploded, derailed, American train, Americans who cannot drink water, get food or oil, cascading turmoil. But maybe that is the point, get out of Dodge, escape the crazy craze, take the Biden Shuffle to another place.

Maybe the thing is not so cool, and kids will go back to school. I guess we will see, but as for me, I am easy to please, give me the “Monster Mash” and four wheels with keys. Gimme the Springtime Shimmy, Electric Slide, or Republican Rag, but please not the Biden Shuffle! Just hand me a volume if you can, of Joe I Am, or Green Eggs and Ham! If fact is fiction, and fiction is fact, that is – alas – the way I will act.

Robert Charles is a former Assistant Secretary of State under Colin Powell, former Reagan and Bush 41 White House staffer, attorney, and naval intelligence officer (USNR). He wrote “Narcotics and Terrorism” (2003), “Eagles and Evergreens” (2018), and is National Spokesman for AMAC.