Caucasian Woman and the Seven Vertically-Challenged Men

Jedediah Bila

By Jedediah Bila

On Saturday, I decided to help out a friend by babysitting her daughter, Amy.

Amy’s pretty much an adult living inside a six-year-old body, which made for an interesting afternoon (especially because I’m about seven at heart, eight on a mature day).

We stopped by a nearby candy store first. Amy picked up a small bag of chocolate, then laughed at me while I spent the next hour eating a whirly pop that looked like this.

Of course, we hit FAO Schwarz. Amy chose a small brown teddy bear. I snatched up its life-sized mom (and a remote control car that goes really fast).

We hit a second toy store soon after, but were asked to leave when I accidentally knocked over a large row of dolls while test-driving a red tricycle.

You get the picture.

Amy, Emma (my pup), and I decided to cap off the afternoon by watching Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Amy and Emma were fast asleep in about ten minutes, but I remained intrigued. And not for the reasons you’re thinking (although yes, I did sing along and dance to “Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho / It’s home from work we go”).

It quickly occurred to me that no proud member of America’s Left could watch that cartoon without showing signs of distress. The Left’s penchant for the politically-correct and instinct to be offended by anything and everything, would turn that movie into a nightmare worse than Sarah Palin and George W. Bush guest-hosting The Rachel Maddow Show.

Let’s start with the title: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Leftist modification: Caucasian Woman and the Seven Vertically-Challenged Men.

Then there’s the magic mirror that says Snow White has “skin white as snow.” What a racist! Not to mention that the mirror’s comment to the Queen that “She is more fair than thee” is downright judgmental, ripping that poor woman’s self-esteem to shreds. I mean, let’s face it – the tragedy of the story is the mirror’s fault. The Queen’s really just a victim in the whole thing.

Then we have Snow White, running through the forest scared, behaving like the Prince’s perfect little damsel in distress. She goes on to clean the cottage of the seven dwarfs like some sort of maid. Or worse, like a stay-at-home mom!

I’m not even going to touch on the cruelty of the name “Dopey” for the intellectually-challenged.

And the ultimate knife in the heart of the “feminist” Left – a death-like sleep that only the Prince’s kiss can undo. The needy, weak, helpless woman waiting for her stalwart, efficient, Mr. Fix-It man. I just can’t go on. Gloria Steinem, will you pass me a handkerchief?

The dwarfs bringing home the bacon? Snow White “wishing for the one I love to find me today . . . dreaming of the nice things he’ll say”? The “little men”? Come on, people! Let me hear your outrage!

Some of you may wonder why I write about such bizarre topics every now and then. Yes, it’s partly because I’m a bit of an oddball.

But to be honest, I’ve always believed that sometimes words like “politically-correct” and straight-up news stories cease to resonate with people. Sometimes we need to see those words, policies, or world views presented in unconventional ways. That’s where I come in.

As silly and absurd as the liberal world view presented above may appear, it’s the very same view that often coddles terrorists as victims, plays race and gender games rather than face honest policy debate, and breeds dishonesty and cowardice into our youth.

Isn’t it about time Americans say enough is enough?

P.S. – Holiday gift idea: CDs of Some Day My Prince Will Come for all your favorite lefty “feminists.” Sing with me, ladies!

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Charlie B
12 years ago

I only hope that the sarcasm in your piece can and will be understood by the liberals as such. But, alas, they won’t get it.

12 years ago

Excellent! I have a new one for you, when liberals cringe when I tell them I am color-blind, I just tell them to think Chromatically Challenged! :-)

Navyman Norm
12 years ago

Being a “Proud Old Sea Dog”, (Lefty translation: Right Wing Elderly Sea Canine), I loved this column! The only problem, the denizens on the Left are bereft of any humor, and are more like the Mad Hatter from
Alice in Wonderland.

Walt Ely
12 years ago

A great example of how the left uses words and situations to push their evil socialist agenda! I haven’t seen any real debate since the term politically correct was introduced! So just try attacking a bogus wasteful government welfare program and see how fast you are called ‘mean spirited’, racist and without compassion!

12 years ago

when will they(the leftists) ever learn.
We have an uphill climb educating these
cynical radicals about what is true and good. loved your beautiful analogy and style.

12 years ago

Boy, did Jedediah hit the bullseye with this analysis and what a sad commentary that it is so true! The good news is that a growing part of the citizenry of our great country has had enough of this and will be expressing that sentiment in November.

12 years ago

I wish I were the prince and you were
Snow White. Song: “I’m Wishing, I’m Wishing” Great article!

12 years ago

Love it! Keep them coming!!

Rob Browning
12 years ago

Positively excellent! Now, let the naysayers and demonizers comment somewhere below. ;)

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