Opinion

Top 5 Christmas Gifts for Liberals

By Jedediah Bila

Well, folks, it’s that time of year again. Trees are being trimmed, carols are being sung, children are excitedly awaiting Santa, and I’m avoiding the kitchen so as not to turn a delicious meal into something indigestible.

In the spirit of all things festive, I bring you my “Top 5 Christmas Gifts for Liberals”:

5. A one-year scholarship to Hillsdale College. Because contorting the Commerce Clause and Establishment Clause like Gumby—and repeating “living and breathing” like well-oiled robots—have to stop at some point, no?

4. A copy of Politically Correct Holiday Stories to right the racist, misogynistic, insensitive, sexist, ageist, gender-stereotyping wrongs of your bedtime story-filled childhood. Guaranteed to coddle any injured, hypersensitive soul, big or small.

3. Mark Levin’s Ameritopia. Because let’s face it, lefties—isn’t it time you learn something? Audio of The Great One inviting you to “Get off the phone, you big dope” included FREE!

2. A switch that flicks on enough Christmas lights to illuminate New York City. Because much like a functional toilet bowl and a waterboarded terrorist, they make me giddy.

And, of course…

1. YOUR hard-earned Christmas bonus. Because truth be told, there’s nothing like a little wealth redistribution to satisfy a lefty holiday heart.

Stocking stuffers include non-recyclable plastic bags, radios whose dials are stuck on “The Sean Hannity Show,” a potpourri medley for Occupy Wall Street enthusiasts, Tim Tebow jerseys, and talking Sarah Palin “You Betcha” key chains.

 Candy canes of all sizes, shapes, and colors are to be included in equal proportion.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Looking forward to a fabulous 2012.

Read more articles by Jedediah Bila

Leave a Reply

45 Comments on "Top 5 Christmas Gifts for Liberals"

Notify of

Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
Rich
4 years 5 months ago

Wow, that was mildly amusing, I am guessing she had to meet a dealine and just threw together anything at the last minute. Probably got paid a decent amount for it as well, and was pretty happy with herself for it. Oh well, break almost done, time to go back to do something commentators no little about, work.

Bob
4 years 5 months ago

There are enough holes in Edwards’ story to fly revesal 747’s through. Abreast.Why was Edwards meeting with his “former mistress” until 3am last July in a secret tryst if the affair was over in 2006?Why did the Edwards campaign make payments to the woman from campaign funds?If Hunter truly loves Edwards (Loverlips?), and he isn’t the father of her child, why doesn’t she permit DNA tests to prove that someone else is the father? If she did, and the tests showed Andrew Young to be the father, Johnny Boy would be home free.These are simply the top three issues that Edwards has to answer if he expects the public to believe him. There are many others.I don’t believe Edwards would recognize the truth if it walked up and introduced itself to him. Worse yet, the MSM is actively covering for the little twirp.Tarheel Hawkeye

Daniel L. Glenn
4 years 7 months ago
I have a question, seeing as the two front runners appear to be Newt and Romney, unless something drastic changes. So, I question “why” hasn’t any of the candidates brought up Dubya? He left Office and the Country with a “AAA” Credit Rating, didn’t need a tele-prompter with him everywhere he went. H e visited the Troops and served their Christmas meal, Thanks Giving meal, He went tot visit the wounded and the badly wounded, and for all he did and tried to do for this Country. The News Media did their best to keep all his actions in the News and put a spin on his every move. But, when Odumma took Office he started spending money hand-over-fist, borrowed money from China, to the tune of MILIONS of dollars. We have borrowed so much money from them they could come here to our Country and demand a repayment. Or… Read more »
william
4 years 8 months ago
A happy new year to all of you in what still remains humanity’s best hope(the good old USA).The progressives are counting on the ignorance and apathy of the public to get old jug ears reelected.The republicans are so busy cutting each other to ribbons that they are alienating the moderate center independants.Neither party can win with just the vote of it’s members.The party that gets the independant vote will be in the white house after 2012.All of the republican candidates have flaws as well as vitues so let’s stop this political bloodletting and remember Ronald Reagen(thou shalt not speak ill of other republicans).Tell us what you want to do to get our budget crisis resolved,our health issues corrected, and where you can lead us in the next four years.If you the candidates can not do that then we the people are no better off with one of you as president… Read more »
BAMOUILAMBOB
4 years 8 months ago

As we all know, the motto of the demoncrat party is simple but effective! “VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN!!”

With that in mind we all must get behind the states which have passed new laws for voter identification with a picture. It is true that will not completely stop the demoncrats from illegally voting but it will slow them down. This election of 2012 may be the last time we even have a chance to vote if hussein has his way. He is nothing more, or less, than an islamofascist nut who just happened to be elected President of the USA. All one needs do is look at the decisions he has made since his “coronation”. The reality is obvious.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL… Bob

Ron
4 years 9 months ago

In 1978 I wrote a “letter to the editor of the Atlanta Journal Constitution” that stated, “redistribution of the wealth isn’t working, get rid of the elected polititians, federal, state and local”. What goes around comes back around. Here’s hoping 2012 brings back some sanity, maybe!

Katrinka
4 years 5 months ago

McClatchy Watch: -John Edwards hires some unusual cpiaamgn workers- Information is now emerging about the other Edwards cpiaamgn worker involved in the Rielle Hunter scandal, Andrew Aldridge Young. He is the married man who claims to be the father of Hunter’s child.Turns out Andrew Aldridge Young has quite a criminal record: ———–It would seem Liz forgot to mention this present Tough Situation is the fault of President Bush. Had Little John become VP with Big John, NONE of this would have happened.————(MNI=$3.87) How low can it go?

shirley
4 years 9 months ago

I think Gingrich has too much baggage and he was a mess as a speaker. but, we have to get behind the one who can make it.None of them are perfect by any means, but, I think that Romney has the best shot. If the Republicans spread their vote too thin on all candidates and the wrong one faces the incompetent in the White House, we will have four more years of incompetence.

KEITH
4 years 9 months ago

Romney: Just another Obamma in disguise.

JJ
4 years 8 months ago

Really? Are we talking healthcare? Obama doesn’t even come close to Romney. Romney graduated within the top 5% of his class at Harvard. He has a record. He has proof. He has a job. He created jobs. He made lots of money. Again, he has proof. Obama………………… well, he has a teleprompter. Get real. We are talking about two very different people.

Larry
4 years 9 months ago

I just can’t get past Newt’s unfaithfullness to his terminally ill wife. If he can’t keep that vow, what promise can he keep? A great article. One of my hobbies is baiting liberals, then getting them to show their intollerance. Then after I calm em down and have an intelligent conversation with them, they go away knowing that all conseervative are not named Bubba no matter what the left leaning media tells them. ( not that there is anything wrong with being a Bubba)
I encourage you all to develop liberal firends and make an impact on them.

Satchel
4 years 8 months ago

Newt has admitted making mistakes and has asked for forgiveness. As far as Jedediah making liberal friends, you need to read her book.

Paul
4 years 9 months ago

A conservative living in NYC? I am praying for you. Merry Christmas!

Mean Gene the Marine
4 years 9 months ago

Peace on Earth, good will towards men.
For those who served and never made it home –
RIP brothers.

Life has a taste that the protected will never know.
– U.S. Marines, DMZ, RVN 68′

Semper Fi
Thank you.

Mike Rundle
4 years 9 months ago

Thankyou for your service, sir. God Bless You and Yours.

Linda Enz
4 years 9 months ago

Well put thanks for remembering those who served at this holiday season.

Rick Corliss
4 years 9 months ago

I don’t care what yer name is Jedidiah. Are you single?

jack mancusi
4 years 9 months ago

it’s time for this anti- u.s. so called leader to hit the bricks. have you ever seen anybody so arrogant in your life???

jack mancusi
4 years 9 months ago

jedidiah is absolutely gorgeous!!!

Bert Kneeland
4 years 9 months ago

I just covered over my “OBUMMER” bumper sticker with “MORE HORN, LESS FINGER”!
LET’S ALL BE MORE CIVIL!! I can’t wait to put on the new one on November 7th, 2012:
“INAUGURATION DAY 2013
THE END of an ERROR”

Connie
4 years 9 months ago

I just want to say Merry Christmas to all. It is my right!

skip
4 years 9 months ago

This list could go on and on. Why not add a free subscription to John Mauldin’s blog and The Daily Bell.
Like Jim, I would have thought you were a guy until I spotted the gorgeous photo.
Merry Christmas to all

Tom O'Rourke
4 years 9 months ago

I would have placed a 32 oz bottle of lysol at the top of the list but I am still remembering the stench from Zuccotti Park!

Joyce Mallul
4 years 9 months ago

To Kevin Kintzi who wants Sarah Palin to run as an Independant. I like Sarah also, but if she does that, then she will be giving Obummer the white house for another 4 years. She will take much needed votes away from the Republican, so he/she won’t win and then neither will Sarah.

Just remember that whoever runs for the Republican canditate will be better than having Obummer in for another 4 years, so get out there and vote for them. Anyone will be better than Obummer as he is killing America as we know it.

Colleen
4 years 9 months ago
It does matter who we elect. We are dealing with an incomprehensibly expansive implementation of media mind control and it is both “sides” also manufactured by media and the global elites, to divide and conquer which they did. If we elect a superficial constitutionalist/conservative, we just get more of the same only like George left it for the fraud in there now, it will be even further down the road to our destruction and we WILL be irreversibly chained by the UN’s international laws. Not Good, nope not at all. It must be someone we know will not continue this agenda. Agenda 21 to be specific. Look it up. Face it, The Republicans have perpetuated this as well as the democrats albeit the democrats are immeasurably more dispicable, Obama had the means to do what he is doing handed to him and he’s too arrogant and “invincible” to bother with… Read more »
Samuel M. Smith
4 years 8 months ago
Although he has “suspended” his campaign, I am hopeful that Herman Cain will return as a candidate very soon. From the first couple of times I heard him speak and researched his background, I was sure that there would be white women who had, for any reason, been dismissed from any company he brought from near bankruptcy to flourishing would claim that black man seduces white woman. Frankly, while I believe he loves his wife and she, him, I expected the accusers to try to come up with worse tales of what they alleged him to have done. I don’t believe any of them. I have been accused of winking at girls in church when I was sitting beside my wife and did not even realize I was blinking. I was assistant pastor of a church that was ministering to the needy of the near northwest side of Chicago when… Read more »
Steve
4 years 9 months ago

We need a LEADER, not more politicians. I do not see any in the near future.

John
4 years 9 months ago

Of course it matters who we elect. However, Joyce is Absolutely correct, in the final analysis we Must “Throw That O’Bummer Out”!
I’ll vote for Gingrich in the Primary. Most of the rest of the field looks acceptable, except Ron Paul’s plan is Yuck and He looks too old to serve effectively for 8 years. The Republican primary debates have been educational, too bad most of them felt compelled to smear the others.
If we split the vote in November the Danger is: 4 years worse than the last 3.
We need another Reagan, but if He’s not available, another Eisenhower will do.
We Conservatives must get behind the best Republican Candidate who can WIN!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS and a Happier 2012.
———————————————————
PS I’d like to get one of Bert Kneeland’s bumper stickers. Is it available now?

Jim
4 years 9 months ago

One Christmas, I passed out pocket sized copies of the Constitution with the advice, “Next time you tell me it’s all legal and I reply it isn’t, you’ll be able to look it up yourself.”

jim
4 years 9 months ago

Jedediah is a guy name. you don’t look like a guy.

H J Lamb
4 years 9 months ago

A one-way ticket to the communist state of North Korea where they can live out their lives in the way they want to change the USA.

Rocky Venti
4 years 9 months ago

I think the number 1 thing should be a Bible so the lefties can get a grip on what real America is all about!!

wpDiscuz