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Lessons Learned from Dating Liberals

Jedediah Bila

By Jedediah Bila

I have never been a liberal. In fact, my parents and I often joke that I popped out of the womb as a Reagan conservative. As a result, I don’t have a fascinating liberal-turned-conservative convert story to share with you. I also can’t tell you what it’s like to be inside the head of a lefty. But … I can tell you what it’s like to date one.

Now before you say “Are you crazy?” or “How could you possibly?”—hear me out. I grew up in New York City, attended Columbia University, worked in academia, and have an absolute and undeniable magnetism toward artists and musicians. In other words, my dating pool has consistently been saturated by lefties. And although it may surprise you, I’m really glad it has. The lessons have been absolutely priceless.

And so I bring you my “Lessons Learned from Dating Liberals”:

  •  You may think you’re arguing about who used the last clean fork or why his clothes are still on the bathroom floor, but you are mistaken. What you’re really doing is judging him. That’s right, you self-assured, confident, just-stating-your-opinion right-winger. Everything you say is a judgment. And yes, that includes your comment that his dinner could use a little more salt.
  •   No matter what happens, it’s your job to take responsibility for it. Doesn’t matter that you didn’t do it. Doesn’t matter that it wasn’t your fault. Not important that you were sitting by quietly while he had a fairly alarming tantrum. STILL YOUR FAULT. And when you “own up,” don’t try any of that simple “I’m sorry” stuff. You must display profound internal suffering at all times.
  • Your opinions don’t count. Well, that’s not entirely true. They count when you agree with him. When you don’t, you’re wrong. And not just wrong, but mean. And hurtful. And—you guessed it—judgmental.
  • He’s not short. (He’s vertically-challenged.) He’s not a nerd. (He’s an intellectual.) He’s not broke. (He’s temporarily fiscally deficient.) And if you Brooklyn girls happen to talk about how much you like your Guinea tees (as this Italian often does), you’re a horrible, horrible person. In other words, you’ve entered the PC-only zone. Proceed with caution or you will have one offended lefty on your hands.
  • If you want to stay on his good side, be extremely generous with money—everyone’s money but his, that is. Also, volunteer to pay for just about everything (bonus: you get to master the liberal “break traditional gentlemanly norms” dating rule). And always hate on the rich (because he insists it will make you feel better about your paycheck—and his).
  • You’re only allowed to be as successful as he is. So stop working so hard! I mean, you’re clearly just trying to make him feel inadequate. (And yes, he will self-identify as a feminist while demeaning your ambition.) P.S.—If you sit on the couch laughing and enjoying a bag of Doritos while he condescends, experience has taught me that you will spend your night listening to a lot of screeching.
  • You must always be tolerant of his feelings, likes and dislikes, and temporary physical and emotional states. That means you must coddle him (but don’t call it that because it will make him feel weak) and de-prioritize your every need and emotion (but don’t say that either, or he’ll remind you how selfish you are). Also, never respond to a curse word with a curse word. His curse is warranted. Yours is just cruel.
  • Perhaps most importantly, never turn on Fox News (or you shall face his stomping feet). Also, clear your bookshelves of anything that says “capitalism,” “Sean Hannity,” and “global warming myth” (or his screeching will return). Of course, be prepared for a nice late-night dinner after you’re fully censored, during which he will reference the importance of diversity, healthy debate, and open-mindedness.

So, there you have it. I hope you’ve enjoyed a peek into life with a lefty. Oh, and I almost forgot—never smile too much! Clearly, you’re only doing it to belittle his perpetual depression.

And yes, when in the midst of one of his many tantrums, revenge really is as simple as putting on an American flag t-shirt.

About The Author

Jedediah Bila is an author, columnist, TV and radio personality, and Fox News Contributor. Her book, OUTNUMBERED: Chronicles of a Manhattan Conservative, was published in May of 2011. Her columns have been published in/at Human Events, The Daily Caller, Newsmax, FoxNews.com, Breitbart.com, The Blaze, and the Association of Mature American Citizens’ newsletter. Topics include politics, culture, media, fitness, music, and more. Jedediah has guest hosted 1450 WCTC radio and guest co-hosted Varney & Co. on Fox Business and Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld on Fox News. She has been a regular guest on Fox News and Fox Business, including such shows as Hannity, Fox & Friends, Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld, Varney & Co., America’s Nightly Scoreboard, Follow the Money, America’s Newsroom, The Tom Sullivan Show, and Lou Dobbs Tonight. She has appeared on MSNBC, CNBC’s “The Kudlow Report,” The Blaze TV, and several radio shows, including The Sean Hannity Show, The Mark Levin Show, The Lou Dobbs Show, The Laura Ingraham Show, and The Monica Crowley Show. Jedediah graduated Valedictorian of Wagner College and earned a Master of Arts from Columbia University. She went on to hold a number of diverse leadership positions. She has taught at the middle school, high school, and college levels. Jedediah is a featured speaker for the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute. She is also a Pioneer Mentor at The New Agenda.

http://jedediahbila.com

More Articles by Jedediah Bila

Comments (128)

  1. Blaine says:

    Oh my, Jedediah! You nailed it! So funny and true that it’s painful. Liberalism is an illness.

  2. Matt says:

    Sounds alot like a narcissist, which all liberals are. But I’ve known my share of narcissistic conservatives too. None-the-less, they are weak and unworthy of any quality relationships in their lives. Any man given to tantrums who concerns himself more with his image than with real accomplishments is no man at all.

  3. Bob says:

    awesome! some generic, broad-brush statements without even a single anecdote to back them up. at least your book provides a few stories, even though they only prove idiots exist in all political stripes. sounds more like you mostly date jerks, liberal or otherwise.

  4. Lucy says:

    My daughter’s roommate commented about how quiet she always is. “You’re so judgmental.” After thinking a moment, my daughter answered, “It’s true, I do make judgments. At least I know when I’m doing it!.” Her roommate became very quiet.

  5. Larry Korn says:

    Many years ago I printed a Tee shirt with tbe LOGO “LIBERALS AREN’T”. I got a lot of comments for that one.

  6. Dan H says:

    I dated a Lib once, I was an Employment Consultant and She was my Applicant. I first found out She was a Women’s Libber, but She was attending the Univ Of Chicago on Daddy paying Her Tuition, Her Apartment, Her car, She was only using my Services to see what was out there, but really did not want a job until She completed her degree in Liberal Arts.

  7. Faye P says:

    We all make mistakes, but you hung around longer than I would, after the first temper tantrum because I did not agree with him He sounds l
    Abusive, manipulative and immature to the extreme. Makes you question your snaity and intelligence to be around people like that. If you meet another one, no matter how charming he may appear RUN fast!!!

  8. sarah palin says:

    sometimes i get my hubby todd to dress up like bill maher and finger bang bang me until his finger stinks! LOL Great article keep up the great work you are an AMAZING WRITER GIRL GO GIRL GO!!!!!!

  9. Emilia Kette says:

    A great Brazilian Conservative lady who lives in the DC area (she’s married to Olavo de Carvalho, the best Brazilian Conservative ever!) sent this to me. I love it! When I finished reading I thought of a line from my favorite movie: Groundhog Day. When Rita describes her ideal man, Phill looks at her puzzled and asks if it was a man she was talking about! Bingo!

  10. rodney burke says:

    Hilarious! Liberalism is a mental disorder and I think this article points that out conclusively. The liberal is very close minded and one sided in their thinking! I think everyone should be exposed to how a diseased liberal conducts their life! I find the attitude annoying to say the least.

  11. Leland says:

    It would be funny if it wasn’t so true.

  12. Carmen says:

    Too funny!!! I am also drawn to many liberals having grown up in NY City and graduated from Columbia too. I just don’t understand why these elitists repress their intelligence and exalt their emotions.

  13. Michael says:

    Wow! My ex-wife was a liberal in conservative clothing (probably to get her $2mil divorce). Love your wit!

  14. Raywin says:

    Tried once to reason with a liberal.Frustration sets in when his counter argument jumped all over without any focus. It always was who did this and who did that (without evidence) so it was right for him. Finally, gave up and not waste my time and energy to debate liberals.

  15. Judy Donovan says:

    Loved your article. Are you sure you weren’t describing men in general. My husband is a conservative and you nailed it almost 100% on attitude. I have a hard time fighting depression as I only do 2 things wrong– everything I say and everything I do!

  16. Don Fisk says:

    Superb observations! You hit the nail on the head. Oops, sorry, too violent for liberals. Keep it up!

  17. Ken Francisco says:

    So well put, Jedediah :)

  18. keeks says:

    Sounds a lot like my ex-husband.

  19. Mike_Rundle says:

    I am a staunch coservative but this is not a political issue at all. Ms JB who is so very clever in so many ways is like SO MANY otherwise bright clever educated women..simply STUPID (not poor choices, bad judgment or other terms…STUPID) in affairs of the heart. I put it down to low self worth and find their poor choices deserved. I cannot reconcile women in abusive relationships`deserve“ to be in them but c`mon girls WAKE UP!

  20. Mike says:

    What a great article about dating a liberal. I laughed and recalled my experiences.

    I will be reading all you write from now on.

    I encountered some similar situations (some worse and some I cannot publish as they exhibit similar traits in the bedroom) when dating the occasional liberal woman for the 6 yrs between my divorce and finding the love of my life!

    If she wasn’t so perfect and I was about 30 yrs younger, I’d contact you.

    The LOML popped out before you but also a Reagan idol. She and I are so closely aligned politically, mentally, and emotionally that it is scarey.

    Thanks for the laugh and helping me to love her more.

    PS: Before Dad died he told me about RR being the sports broadcaster for the Drake area (where Dad went) and that they watered at the same bar. Some interesting stories.

  21. joe says:

    How’s this for PC: SCREW ALL OF YOU IDIOTIC, ANXIETY-RIDDEN, TREE-HUGGING, OSAMBO-LOVING liberals.

  22. Roger says:

    Last month I hit 34 years with a Lefty wife. It has been a challenge. She too, said she was voting to cancel out my vote. But lately Obummer has changed her way of thinking. She voted Conservative in the last local election, and our marriage and relationship has improved considerably. So there is “hope” (sic)

  23. The Dean says:

    Dr. Lyle Rositer MD has written a very good book about why liberals think they way they do. It’s called THE LIBERAL MIND. He is a very serious professional who studies mental health and disorders, and yes, he is serious when he says that liberal thinking is an irrational disorder, and I basically agree with him. Another good study is M. Scott Peck’s PEOPLE OF THE LIE. It was his study of evil in individuals, how to recognize and hopefully how to treat it. Put briefly, an evil person is someone who fails to face their own guilt and sin, so they are always blaming others, which libs do habitually. So it’s not just stupid, at its core it’s evil. Just watch this President. Has he ever once admitted he was wrong about anything, or responsible for anything that failed? That behavior has been typical of others like Stalin, Hitler and so on. “If we say we have no sin we lie, and the truth is not in us (deception and irrational thinking sets in).” (I John 1:8). The opposite is the next verse, “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (I John 1:9). This could explain why libs are also usually angry at Christians and the Christian religion. Convict on.

  24. Shirley Snow says:

    Nothing like a liberal daughter-in-law. Nobody knew anything but her. Sweet to your face and stab you in the back.

  25. Lloyd says:

    I have a brother who is an attorney. He walks so softly you can never tell where his head is. Almost an occupational necessity since he has a large client base from both sides of the tracks. He occasionally has family affairs to which some of his more liberal, ivy league associates have no problem inviting themselves. I also have a grandson who is a long haul trucker and a self proclaimed redneck. His idea of fun is tuning all his great uncle’s liberal guests to full Shriek. Then occasionally add a totally outlandish statement just to keep the noise level above 79db. My brother and I set at a distance and sip our beers. Great entertainment. .

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